I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
