I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
