I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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