Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
