a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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