We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i can't believe i had my finger in that
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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