I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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