That's intense
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize
