i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
