I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
