I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
