I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
