no you cant smoke seaweed
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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