I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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