he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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