I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Send help, water and tortillas.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
