i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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