oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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