kristin has been a bad kristin
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Randomize
