she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
