When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
