Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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