How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
