the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize