you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
