That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
