Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
