I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
