omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
