did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
