Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
