I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
