R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
