My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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