you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
