I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
