His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
