wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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