so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
