Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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