She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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