i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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