Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
