He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
