I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
