We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
