dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
