is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
this beer tastes like vomit already
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm bleeding and have questions
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
