Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
