I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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