Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
