That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
