Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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