i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
