I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
